Cold Soup...

There are so many things that I'd like to say..... but I'd have to be a fool..... Everyone likes to know the truth.. especially nosy people like me... but who on earth wants the truth to be told about themselves?... It's like when you see someone slip and fall on the street and you can't help but laugh.. but you know that it wouldn't be quite the same if it were to happen to you.... I've found satisfaction in the least likely of places... and where I thought I'd excel, I often seem to have failed.... people have failed me.. life has failed me.. I've failed myself..... God hasn't failed me... but He HAS given me my own free will, and THAT'S what gets me into trouble... And the gifts I've been given torture me if I don't utilize them correctly... a double-edged sword kind of thing.. there's no rest........ I've been waiting for something my entire life..... I always thought I'd know what it was by now... but as years pass, I only grow more confused... and I need to create my own "realities" in order to remain sane amid all that I don't understand, going on all around me.... and before I know it.. those realities have turned on me.... and they stretch me.. so much further than I can go... and I end up a mere percentage of what I potentially "could have been".... I don't find success in money.. cars.. clothes.. popularity.... I think success is something like.. being able to fall asleep at night.. without wishing that you'd done every single thing differently that day... without wondering if you've had your best days.... without the dread of tomorrow...................... I'm an unsuccessful person...