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Paint Me..

Who's imitating you?... and what are they going to end up doing because of you?... There wouldn't be quite as many shaggy heads in the world if it weren't for The Beatles... as many eye-pokes, if it weren't for The Three Stooges... or even, (dare I say?).. a "Seinfeld" without the inspiration of a Woody Allen.... Everybody wants to be like someone else, in one way or another... I wanted to grow facial hair when I was a lot younger....... and now..... I HAVE to shave...... What's my point?..... My point is.... this... is an AMAZING song.....

"S-A-N-F-O-R-D, Period."

You don't realize just how disgusting your living situation happens to be until you know someone's coming over.. It's even worse when you DON'T know they're coming over, and your only warning is the doorbell... I've learned to hate the sound of my doorbell........ So....... I'm at home.. on a warm, Friday afternoon.. "YouTubing" like I do.. and I hear the doorbell ring... I figure it's a Jehova's witness, or someone trying to get me to subscribe to the newspaper... I rush to the door, quickly (yet quietly).. look out the peep-hole.. and realize that it's the guy that needs to check on a couple of things regarding the new house... warranty stuff... so... I scramble to find a pair of pants (I take my casual Fridays seriously) and answer the door... Long story short.... I ended up asking him to come back two and a half hours later, SO I COULD CLEAN...... That's.... embarrassing..... but it's not my fault... apparently, I married Fred Sanford... My wife will say, any day, that she's cleaner than me..... she's wrong..... and you can tell her I said this too..... So..... I must've burned eight thousand calories, single-handedly, cleaning this entire place.. all by my lonesome... but I'm glad.. because I no longer feel like I'm living on the set of "COPS"....

Left-Arm Tan..

Don't you ever feel like you're stuck in the DMV of life?.... waiting for your number to called?.... and the people behind the counter seem to be even less enthused than you about being there?...... rightly so, I guess.... I pass by the DMV, every day, on my way to work... and I look out, through the car window, at the long line of "unfortunates"... a line that looks as though they're waiting to see the ninth Twilight movie... which, coincidentally, also happens to be the release of the new iPhone 12.... and they're hot.. waiting in the sun.. depressed.. bored... most of them, missing work... and I feel bad for them.... and then I wonder.... who's passing by ME every morning?... looking out of their window, to see ME in that line?.... around that sterile building... that DMV of life..... but no one really wins anyway.... I'm not any better, as I drive by in my car... my air conditioning is broken... and with the help of my leather seats, it can easily get to 112 degrees inside.... they're better off than me........ So the grass is always greener, but the dog is always meaner.. and he's gonna bite..... and where I happen to be may not be the best place, but I'd much rather be me than you.... and I sincerely hope that you can say the same to me....

Cold Soup...

There are so many things that I'd like to say..... but I'd have to be a fool..... Everyone likes to know the truth.. especially nosy people like me... but who on earth wants the truth to be told about themselves?... It's like when you see someone slip and fall on the street and you can't help but laugh.. but you know that it wouldn't be quite the same if it were to happen to you.... I've found satisfaction in the least likely of places... and where I thought I'd excel, I often seem to have failed.... people have failed me.. life has failed me.. I've failed myself..... God hasn't failed me... but He HAS given me my own free will, and THAT'S what gets me into trouble... And the gifts I've been given torture me if I don't utilize them correctly... a double-edged sword kind of thing.. there's no rest........ I've been waiting for something my entire life..... I always thought I'd know what it was by now... but as years pass, I only grow more confused... and I need to create my own "realities" in order to remain sane amid all that I don't understand, going on all around me.... and before I know it.. those realities have turned on me.... and they stretch me.. so much further than I can go... and I end up a mere percentage of what I potentially "could have been".... I don't find success in money.. cars.. clothes.. popularity.... I think success is something like.. being able to fall asleep at night.. without wishing that you'd done every single thing differently that day... without wondering if you've had your best days.... without the dread of tomorrow...................... I'm an unsuccessful person...