........ I Won't Forget It....

There's something special about a primered vehicle.. I've always been drawn to them.. I think it may have something to do with the potential.. The possibilities.. If I had to choose between driving a 2009 Lamborghini that had a little scratch on the side, or a '78 (primered) Chevy pickup.... I'd go with the pickup.... I saw one the other day at a red light, and I couldn't help but stare.. There's a kind of freedom that comes with it.. Every time I see one, I wonder what color they might paint it.. what design they may grace it with.. Any other car on the road that HAS color is like a completed portrait, or something.. But a primered car is like an empty canvas.. A primered car is "primed" to be painted.. That's sort of how I feel about this upcoming year... This upcoming decade... An empty canvas waiting for the painter.. Waiting to be painted... Endless possibilities.. Endless potential.. There's a kind of eagerness.. a kind of joy.... a kind of fear... A new painting, yes.. But who knows what kind?.. Are we heading out of the desert, and into The Promised Land?... Or out of the five-star restaurant, and into the bathroom?... Time will tell, as always.. For the first time (in a long time) I'm optimistic.. For I'm one of those who insist on holding a brush... eager to paint.. Entering a brand-new decade at the age of twenty-one is nothing short of a challenge to me.. I'm embracing.. and my mind, racing.... When I think of the quote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.".. I think of it as more of a summation of life (rather than a year, or even a mere decade).. But for the sake of getting something across.. the quote DOES (of course) hold true for the past year (as well as the last decade)... Lots of heartache and sorrow... And such outstanding joys and memories....... No decade will ever be as special to me as the nineties ('seems so long ago now)........ But I can use what I took from then, to inspire me... in every stroke of my brush...... There's a renaissance coming... And it'll speak for itself, soon...

A Nation Of Vexation..

If money is the root of all evil, then I must be pretty.... not evil.... But it's much too easy to assume the role of a martyr when things just aren't going your way.. I'm one of those people that happen to "have a heart" for the homeless.. For the "needy".. the less fortunate.. It really kills me when I pull up beside "one" at a light (or whatever) and I don't have any cash on me.. Of course, all sympathies aside, there must have been SOME sort of "series of events" that were allowed, in order to grant them such a destiny.. But should any man be denied grace?.. And then who's to say?.. (I know, but how much can I really get away with on here without losing "credibility"?) Some would extend a kind of mercy that others would not hesitate to rid the world of.. It's THESE kinds of people that should be living on the streets, like animals.. There are no TRUE stereotypes, or even credible assumptions.. There ARE good people that are living on the streets; and there are countless, ignorant hedonists that occupy our mainstream, and that live in the lavish homes.. engulfed in all of their ill-begotten gain.. undoubtedly bestowed upon them by our "O Impressionable Youth", as well as the "elders" who've grown tired of putting up the good fight against these antagonists that carry a fate unknown to even themselves.. A fate that shall be the death of their people all together.. It's the people on the streets that remind me that the world is REAL.. And it's the wealthy, with their noses held so high, that remind me that the world is AWFUL.. So who am I?.. Yes, I'm somewhere in between, but where does that leave me in the "grand scheme of things"?.. I'm not rich, and I'm not homeless.. But at the same time, I'm a certain type of rich, and yes.. a certain type of homeless.. We all are.. But far from most of us realize this.... I think that the ones that DO are better off.. King Solomon would surely agree that these things considered to be great riches, and the epitome of success, will surely rust and be eaten away by moths.. It's nothing other than foolishness to store up such things here on Earth.. On Earth, where the thief in the night can take away what you've "worked so hard for" in only mere seconds.. Where the possessions which you cling to cannot be taken when your time has come.... Who then is greater than the other?.. None... You see the man on the street who's hungry.. And then you proceed on to your home.. with your countless idols.. Your TV, your computer, your CD's, your furniture, even your loved ones.. whatever you may happen to have at your disposal.. As the homeless search the cold, hard sidewalk for a place to lie their heads at night; the fortunate nestle in their warm beds, and bother their minds with such trivial things.. Things that the less fortunate would be so fortunate to bother THEMSELVES with........ When I begin to feel sorry for myself... it's THEN that I realize just how "sorry" it really is for me to feel this way.. And that in my "own right".. I'm truly the wealthiest person on Earth.. And I realize... that it's those people in the big houses, and with all of the money that I REALLY do feel sorry for.. MY riches cannot be spent, repoed, or taxed....

From Small Red Chambers Unbeknownst To Many..

It took me quite a while to realize exactly what it was that I REALLY wanted to do with my life.. And when I ended up gaining about 22 pounds after realizing that what I wanted to do was eat fast food and drink Pepsi all day, while watching Matlock (I wasn't working).. I figured that maybe I should try something else.. I still eat fast food and drink Pepsi all day, but now I think "skinny".. And I'm not gaining any weight (and the 22-odd pounds are gone).. but I'm not gonna ask questions.. The universe seems to be working in my favor.. Fine.. But don't you ever feel like the whole world is against you?.. I still can't get over those cold chicken nuggets that I had last night.. I didn't have the BEST day, and in that case my "meal" can be something of a meditative cleansing.. Anyone that REALLY knows me knows this; and even though everything that I both know, and believe in, tells me that it's not only inappropriate, but unhealthy as well.... it happens to be number 43 of my 217 "thorns in the flesh".. You only have so much flesh to work with in the first place, so understand that I don't always feel as though I'm running with both legs.. But I knew I'd find solace in the nuggets... The nuggets.. Those warm, precious nuggets in all their glory; with their crispy outside, and tender, juicy inside.. Not without the hot mustard (of course).. This, has many a time pulled me from the lurch.. Well.. This was not to be the case last night.. I felt like a wounded child going to bed without having had supper.. Trivial?.. Petty?.. Who's to say?.. I'm a "victim of my surroundings" yes, but who isn't?.. Everyone is.. Whether or not you "succumb" to it doesn't change anything.. But I happen to be a victim of my generation as well.. I constantly feel the need to apologize for my idiot generation.. but to who?.. None are perfect, after all.. You've got your lazy generations.. your self-righteous generations.. your rebellious generations.. your "intellectual" generations.. and so on.. Even the nicest house has an unpleasant smell coming from the toilet.... I guess the trick is to do your best to keep it there.. I think I've just grown a tad bitter of my own because of course it's much more personal.. I've never been able to "identify" with them, but believe me.. I'm glad.. It's actually quite a task to even look at someone's personal profile anymore without seeing a few oh-so-hip photos of them holding their plastic party-cups.. "Look at me, I drink!" It's like posing for a picture while you're reading the newspaper, to show everyone just how complex you are.. You hear that everyone has their own assigned guardian angel walking around with them all of the time.. I think that everyone should have a PR person as well.. You really CAN'T tell a book by it's cover.. But I think you can really find out.. almost pretty much everything you need to know about a person.. by glancing at their personal profile.. And you know what I've learned?.. I'm surrounded by a bunch of indulgent, meandering morons.. With alcohol and the weekend gatherings of immorality at it's best, serving as their constant muse.. Even still.. I know that there ARE lots of "good" people out there.. I wish I could say that I was one of them..

To Each, His Moan..

You know what it means when someone says, "It's good to see you."?.. It means that they have absolutely no idea what to say to you.. There's nothing wrong with this.. They've simply drawn a blank.. They've been caught off guard.. I don't know how many times I've said this myself, and I couldn't have meant it cause I don't really like to see ANYBODY.. It's awkward.. Like when you see someone from high school, or something at.. let's say Save Mart.. It's like, "Should I wave? Should I wait for them to wave first? Are they waiting for me to wave first? Should I just nod?.. maybe a wave is too desperate.. Or maybe just a smile?.. a nod might be a tad "ethnic".." And then by the time you go through all of this in your mind, you're already half past them, and you end up giving them some sort of half nod, half wave, half smile.. And if the idea of three halves isn't ridiculous enough, you have the nerve to feel snubbed when all that they can gather is a provoked look of sudden anxiety as they simply walk past you and hope that you won't be so inconvenient as to dare strike up a conversation.. Kind of the same idea as when you try to walk past those people standing outside of Walmart asking you to donate money to some country that wants to wipe us out.. Or asking you to sign a petition to save the Smelt Fish, or something like that... It's okay to let the humans dehydrate, and have the agriculture "go to Hell" (as they say) but the "forsaking" of the little fishies.. well that would just be unbearable wouldn't it?... After all.. They are our ancestors, right?.. Geezum Crow... I do the same thing in that situation as when I'm at the mall though.. You know?.. When everyone in that middle area is trying to sell you a phone, or some dollar shades, or face cream, or whatever?... I just pretend that I'm on my phone... And I'm always angry.. It's always some really important call like I lost some money in the stock market, or someone didn't meet a deadline, or something like that.. So if you don't want anyone in the mall to ask you if you want one of those twelve dollar massages, or someone outside of Walmart to ask you for your change (because after all, that's the change that you were gonna use to buy a gallon of gas, just to make it home).. Then just pretend that you're on your cell phone.. And be "angry".. It works.. Just make sure that your phone is on silent.. It's understandably not as effective when your phone rings during your fake phone call.. But these "extreme measures".. don't seem so extreme to me.. I mean.. I'm simply.. "honking a clown's nose".. I think it's better to be real than annoying.. But no one is gonna stop saying things like "It's good to see you.".. Or, "It's nice to hear from you.".. But realize that it's nothing more than filler.. Filler, in between the gossip, and repressed feelings (ne-er to surface).. But that's America (for the most part).. Artificial.. superficial.. Think about it.. "America the Beautiful".. Not, "America the Honest, or the moral, or even the decent".. But Beautiful.. I do realize though that I'm being unnecessarily over-analytical, but it's my "thorn in the flesh" (amongst at least a handful of others) to quite often assume an overly-cerebral persona.. But many things bug me.. Like these people that can't tilt their cups/glasses.. They MUST slurp.. If you believe in evolution.... I don't think that these people "evolved" all the way.. Lift your arm, tilt the glass.. it's easy.. Or these people that feel that they have to say "seriously" in order to get their point across.. The word is dead to me now.. It's been ruined.. tainted.. You want people to start taking you seriously?.. Stop SAYING "seriously".. It's like saying "Ba doom bum." after you tell a joke........ In conclusion.... If you only take ONE thing away from this, then take this.... Black coffee is A LOT more effective when it's cold...