From The Trenches...

I haven't been able to think straight lately..... No... You know what?.... I have.... But THAT'S what I don't like... I've grown quite fond of my incoherence over the past couple of years... I know too many boring people... too many "squeaky-clean" people.. too many fake people.. too many people that try TOO hard... I enjoy being able to weave in and out of anything "established"... At least I DID... I feel like I'm just waiting on something right now... I feel helpless... I feel like I'm living outside of myself... But once I'm outside... I'm nowhere... I don't even have the luxury of being on the outside, looking in.... I'm just gone... I can't serve myself, I know... But can I not at least cater to myself once in a while?... Is this against the "rules"?... Rules are no longer... "Rules"... once you gain perspective though... They just become like bridges on the way to... "privileges".. but are they worth it?.... YES!!.... YES!!!.... I KNOW!!.... but can't I catch a break?!... I understand what I'm dealing with, but I'm only human... I know that humans are morons... That's easy... I guess it's just like that.. umm... what is it?... "having a cake and eating it?".. That's such a stupid saying though... Why on earth wouldn't you eat your cake?... Maybe they should say, "Becky wants to have her cake.. eat it.. and then steal another one from the store and eat that one too.. even though she's diabetic...".. That would make a lot more sense... And you know what?.. With that..... I think I feel a lot better...