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Paint Me..

Who's imitating you?... and what are they going to end up doing because of you?... There wouldn't be quite as many shaggy heads in the world if it weren't for The Beatles... as many eye-pokes, if it weren't for The Three Stooges... or even, (dare I say?).. a "Seinfeld" without the inspiration of a Woody Allen.... Everybody wants to be like someone else, in one way or another... I wanted to grow facial hair when I was a lot younger....... and now..... I HAVE to shave...... What's my point?..... My point is.... this... is an AMAZING song.....

"S-A-N-F-O-R-D, Period."

You don't realize just how disgusting your living situation happens to be until you know someone's coming over.. It's even worse when you DON'T know they're coming over, and your only warning is the doorbell... I've learned to hate the sound of my doorbell........ So....... I'm at home.. on a warm, Friday afternoon.. "YouTubing" like I do.. and I hear the doorbell ring... I figure it's a Jehova's witness, or someone trying to get me to subscribe to the newspaper... I rush to the door, quickly (yet quietly).. look out the peep-hole.. and realize that it's the guy that needs to check on a couple of things regarding the new house... warranty stuff... so... I scramble to find a pair of pants (I take my casual Fridays seriously) and answer the door... Long story short.... I ended up asking him to come back two and a half hours later, SO I COULD CLEAN...... That's.... embarrassing..... but it's not my fault... apparently, I married Fred Sanford... My wife will say, any day, that she's cleaner than me..... she's wrong..... and you can tell her I said this too..... So..... I must've burned eight thousand calories, single-handedly, cleaning this entire place.. all by my lonesome... but I'm glad.. because I no longer feel like I'm living on the set of "COPS"....

Left-Arm Tan..

Don't you ever feel like you're stuck in the DMV of life?.... waiting for your number to called?.... and the people behind the counter seem to be even less enthused than you about being there?...... rightly so, I guess.... I pass by the DMV, every day, on my way to work... and I look out, through the car window, at the long line of "unfortunates"... a line that looks as though they're waiting to see the ninth Twilight movie... which, coincidentally, also happens to be the release of the new iPhone 12.... and they're hot.. waiting in the sun.. depressed.. bored... most of them, missing work... and I feel bad for them.... and then I wonder.... who's passing by ME every morning?... looking out of their window, to see ME in that line?.... around that sterile building... that DMV of life..... but no one really wins anyway.... I'm not any better, as I drive by in my car... my air conditioning is broken... and with the help of my leather seats, it can easily get to 112 degrees inside.... they're better off than me........ So the grass is always greener, but the dog is always meaner.. and he's gonna bite..... and where I happen to be may not be the best place, but I'd much rather be me than you.... and I sincerely hope that you can say the same to me....

Cold Soup...

There are so many things that I'd like to say..... but I'd have to be a fool..... Everyone likes to know the truth.. especially nosy people like me... but who on earth wants the truth to be told about themselves?... It's like when you see someone slip and fall on the street and you can't help but laugh.. but you know that it wouldn't be quite the same if it were to happen to you.... I've found satisfaction in the least likely of places... and where I thought I'd excel, I often seem to have failed.... people have failed me.. life has failed me.. I've failed myself..... God hasn't failed me... but He HAS given me my own free will, and THAT'S what gets me into trouble... And the gifts I've been given torture me if I don't utilize them correctly... a double-edged sword kind of thing.. there's no rest........ I've been waiting for something my entire life..... I always thought I'd know what it was by now... but as years pass, I only grow more confused... and I need to create my own "realities" in order to remain sane amid all that I don't understand, going on all around me.... and before I know it.. those realities have turned on me.... and they stretch me.. so much further than I can go... and I end up a mere percentage of what I potentially "could have been".... I don't find success in money.. cars.. clothes.. popularity.... I think success is something like.. being able to fall asleep at night.. without wishing that you'd done every single thing differently that day... without wondering if you've had your best days.... without the dread of tomorrow...................... I'm an unsuccessful person...

Old Soul..

People aren't as kind as they used to be.... Now... I wasn't around when "used to be" was... but I've seen it on TV... Like Mayberry, in "The Andy Griffith Show"... Saying "howdy" to complete strangers.. being able to leave your doors unlocked.. a sense of community.. rather than prideful and defensive territorializm (not using the word "correctly" but you know what I mean)... People stare.. people judge.. size up.... I go to buy bread, and before I'm back home.. I've had a sort of mental "tug-of-war" with at least 19 different people.. On the road.. in the parking lot.. in the aisle.. in the line... And it's not easy for me.. I don't take it well... because I DID grow up in Mayberry... I didn't grow up like my "contemporaries".. and it's always kept me.. separated.. and I'm SO GLAD..... They look at me like an alien... and I just say.. "Howdy."..

Three Strikes..

Sooo.... I was talking about annoying drivers yesterday.... And it's kind of funny.. the things that I saw the VERY next day.... I was driving home from Clovis today, just in time to catch the second half of the Laker game (YEAH, WHATEVER).. and I encountered a few interesting things... As I was driving along Academy, I saw a maroon SUV coming in the opposite direction. For whatever reason, I turned to look at it as it neared me.. I had to do a double-take to make sure my eyes hadn't decieved me the first time... There was A BABY at the steering wheel.. Now this wasn't a Britney Spears kind of scenario.. going through town; home, just around the corner (wrong as it was)... NO... This was an SUV going about 65, down a major road, with a child (that could NOT have been any older than two) behind the wheel... It made me sick... I hoped so bad that they'd get pulled over.. That's the kind of thing that needs to be "nipped in the bud"... And then........ as I'm driving down 180... I see a truck pull over to the side of the road, and about three men get out... I think I knew in my mind what was coming next.. but there's nothing like actually seeing it... Right on the side of the road.. terribly visible.. where there are ALWAYS cops, driving up and down.... The men.. are peeing.... contaminating some poor farmer's land.. as bold as they could be, and as if this is what they were born to do..... no shame...... and finally.... as I'm now on Reed.... There is a car in front of me.. going what must've been a faithful 49 mph.... all of a sudden... they swerve clear into the oncoming lane, just as a huge truck is approaching, in that same (opposite) direction... just as I think they must be committing suicide... I realize what had happened... They were trying to kill themselves.... the people in the truck... and possibly, me (and the car following VERY CLOSE behind me).... In order to spare the life of a squirrel........................ WHAT??????!!!!!!!!!!!!