Sunday, January 17, 2010

Starry Night..

I often think of Starry Night.... A painting by (Vincent) Van Gogh... It's a fantasy of mine to own it one day... I think of paintings, and frames; and other things like that.. Things that you hang on the walls.. Cheap things that you buy from the store.. with their imperfections.... I buy them and I bring them home, but I have to stand far away so that I can feel good about myself.. So that I won't feel like a fool for wasting my money... I have to admire from a distance.. taking in the big picture, rather than obsessing over all of the little details.. The details depress me.. Most things do... Of course you can put this same observation to the beat of society... relationships... life.... The details are depressing... So I back up and look at the big picture, and my method lets me down... The big picture is even worse.. The big picture is defining.. it's credible... The little details are annoying.. and shameful.. But there are opportunities to overcome them... The big picture reveals the consequences of neglected opportunity... I don't know what to consider myself, amid all of this... I may be just as ignorant, but is my ignorance as dangerous?.. Am I a threat only to myself, or to my contemporaries as well?.. My contemporaries irritate me.. I fear for them... I used to play with them in the sandbox... I ate with them at lunch... We'd pass notes in the classroom... And now, it seems that none of them can even crack a smile without the help of alcohol in their systems... "Let's party.".. "Let's get drunk.".. "Let's go to Vegas."... It's pitiful.. It saddens me that they need this in their lives.. I wish I could help them.. I wish I knew what they needed to hear... And I wonder where we parted ways... I don't need that.. I never have... And I have a lot more laughs than anyone probably ever should... I'm not condemning.. I'm passionate.. I'm angry... I see roads not taken... and I see truth mistaken... I don't have the option to be objective... For I stand too close to the details.... And I don't have the nerve to face the big picture.. Because I've peeked before................. And I can't take it............